The type of parents we want to be

I'm an avid reality TV junkie! I love it. I love watching other people's drama unfold before my eyes and being able to say "I can't believe they did that." Nic hates it, he'll get up on leave the room if he see that one of my "stupid shows" is about to come on. My new obsession: The Baby Borrowers. The premises is five teen-age couples who think they're ready to have kids get to experience parenthood at rapid speed. They get to look after infants, toddlers, pre-teens, teen-agers and the elderly. It's been interesting to see these teens be parents. Some have rose to the occasion and been very responsible and you can tell their relationship (as boyfriend/girlfriend) is strong. Others have failed miserably. Last night's episode was one that really caught my attention.

Last night, the teens were parents to teen-agers (some who were just a few years younger than their "parents"). Some of the teen-agers came to raise heck but were quickly put in their place by their new mom and dad. One couple however, was letting their personal relationship get in the way of raising their kid. Daton and Morgan had a rocky past coming into this, but with their teen-ager residing in their home, everything came out and Daton ended up leaving the show. While they were arguing and yelling at eachother their teen-ager thought it best to go outside and escape the yelling. The cameras then focus on him as he is expressing his feelings about their arguing. This is what he said "They're just in there yelling at each other. That's what my parents did before they got divorced. I mean, they got divorced when I was six years-old but I can still remember them yelling at each other. I just didn't want to be around that" That last part broke my heart.

This teen-ager is now 15 years old, and he still remembers the yelling his parents did NINE YEARS AGO, and obviously he is still sensitive to it. How emotionally and traumatic that must have been for him at such a young age. Not knowing why his parents are fighting and wondering if he's the cause of their arguments.

After the show I shared with Nic the recollection of this teen-ager and I started crying (I know, I know, I'm a big baby). I told him that I never want to have yelling or arguing in our house. Things like that take such an emotional toll on children, to me that 15 year old is proof. Yelling I think also instills fear and I don't want our household to be one of fear. I'm not saying we will never discipline our children, but I never want to talk to them in an angry tone. Anytime I sense someone becoming upset and they start yelling, it sends a chill up my spine. I hate it. I also never want to discipline our children by spanking (with hand or a belt), I again feel that this creates a sense of fear. Some may argue that there will be some occasions where spanking is necessary, but I refuse to do that. Spanking to me is motivated by anger and I feel that if you are disciplining your children it shouldn't come from an angry place.

Yes, I know that Nic and I don't have kids right now so it's easier to say this and "just wait until you have kids" but we both feel that there is a better way to discipline children and this is the road that we are taking.